Still Not Satisfied, Padres Acquire Red Sox’ Green Monster (Satire)

At a press conference today, new San Diego Padres GM Jed Hoyer announced that the team has agreed to purchase Fenway Park’s legendary “Green Monster” from the Boston Red Sox.

This news comes in the wake of Hoyer—the Red Sox’ Assistant GM before being hired by the Padres six weeks ago—selecting Boston’s Scouting Director, Jason McLeod, as his own Assistant GM.

“When I bought the team a year ago, I said I wanted to take it in a new direction,” owner Jeff Moorad said, “After a few months of thinking about it, I realized that my ‘new direction’ was exactly what the Red Sox had been doing all along.&...

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